it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
