During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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