I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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