my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate all girls vehemently.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize