Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
