great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
