Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
