It's Friday. Sex?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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