come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
