I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
