He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
