His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
