hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
