now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
