Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
