can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
