You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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