A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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