dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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