If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
