Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My ass is underappreciated
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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