his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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