i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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