I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
