i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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