I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
