Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
