I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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