never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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