Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
