...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
