omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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