EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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