I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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