i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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