omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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