I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
