Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
