I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
