If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
