i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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