I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
