I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
