it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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