Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
