I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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