I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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