piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
