I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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