...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh god it's open bar.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
