She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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