oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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