They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
