i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
