Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
