dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
