I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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