Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
