He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
