Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just had sex on a roof
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
