My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
