epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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