I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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