the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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