i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
