I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
