Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
